Humorous Medical Health Terminology

Anesthesia- A Russian princess

Antacid - What little bugs get high on

Artery - Study of paintings

Bacteria - The back door of the cafeteria

Barium - What to do when treatment fails

Benign - What you be after you be eight

Blood work - Getting a job from a relative

Bowel - The letters: A, E, I, O or U

Bronchitis - Extinct animal

Bunion - Paul's last name

Caesarian Section - A neighborhood in Rome

Cat Scan - Searching for Kitty

Cataract - Fancy car: El Dorado, Coupe De Ville, etc.

Cauterize - Made eye contact with her

Colic - A sheep dog; e.g., "Lassie"

Coma - Punctuation mark

Congenital - Friendly

Coronary - Domesticated yellow bird

D&C - Where Washington is

Diarrhea - Journal of daily events

Dilate - To live long

Enema - Not a friend

Fester - Quicker than

Fibula - A small lie

GI Series - Ball game for soldiers

Hangnail - Coat hook

Heart - Causing pain to others

HMO - Cable TV channel

Humerus - To tell us what we want to hear

Hypodermic - Big, fat, lazy zoo animal

Impotent - Distinguished, well known

Intestine - Currently taking an exam

Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work

Lumbar - What you build a house with

Mamogram - A short note sent to your mother

Medical Staff - A doctor's cane

Morbid - A higher offer

Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates

Node - Was aware of

Outpatient - A person who fainted

Pap Smear - A fatherhood test

Pelvis - A cousin to Elvis

Postoperative - A letter carrier

Protein - Favoring young people

Recovery Room - A place to do upholstery (thanks Dad!)

Rectum - Dang near killed 'em

Scar - Rolled tobacco leaf

Secretion - Hiding anything

Seizure - A roman emperor

Serology - Study of knighthood

Tablet - A small table

Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport

Tibia - Country in North Africa

Toothache - A pain that drives you to extraction

Tumor - One more than one

Urine - Opposite of "you're out"

Varicose - Nearby

Vein - Conceited, obsessed with looks

White Count - Number of Caucasians

Yawn - An honest opinion openly expressed